I woke up around 4am. My pillow showed signs of dried tears, someone had probably cried a lot last night. I smirked at the pillow, today was a new day. Today was a new start. I stood on my balcony and smiled as the sunrays kissed my skin. I smiled at the birds that flew in the beautiful morning sky.
On my way down I passed my mother who was sitting next my grandmother, folding clothes, a rare sight indeed. I laughed as I gave them each a hug and a kiss. Grandma did not return my happiness, her face remained solemn, I realised she would not easily forgive. I smiled and called out an apology to her as i skipped down the steps. I felt my mother’s stern gaze follow me all the way.
My brother sat watching some movie in the dining room. I jumped onto the sofa next to him and placed my arm over his shoulder,as I always did. I whispered my nickname for him to which he replied, ” I miss you, man”. The words cut me deep, I kissed him on his cheek and playfully pulled his hair before taking off again.
I ran. it was a ritual for him now, so I’d know exactly where to find him. I ran to the beach, the whole way, something I was very proud of accomplishing. I ran the whole way to my father.
There he sat as expected, on the bench that I used to frequent. He sat there staring into the distance, lost in thought. Of all the people I knew, he would be the last to forgive me, of this I was sure.
I sat next to him, as usual he payed me no heed. He sat there watching the waves, the dolphin in the distance and the people swimming.
I was silent for a few moments and then I whispered to him an apology. I apologised for everything I did, I apologised for everything that had happened because of me. My eyes were wet by the time I was done. So were his. He didn’t speak, nor did he look at me. He just clenched his teeth, got up and walked away towards home.
I sat there watching the waves. Something that felt so familiar yet so different. After some time I made up my mind. I had to visit his grave today. It had been a week. I had to visit today .
As I walked through the small path between the graves I saw someone near his grave. It was her. I called out to her but she just walked away. I decided against chasing behind her. The asshole that lay six feet under was the one she loved. He had taken his life and all the hopes and dreams they shared with it. Hopes and dreams that resembled the six roses in various stages of decay that lay next to his gravestone. She visited everyday, that poor thing.
I knelt by the headstone. The hatred I felt was clearly visible on my face. Here lay the only person I cared about in this World. He’d given up. The asshole hung himself in the middle of the night without even a goodbye to anyone. As usual I told him how stupid he had been. If he’d only tried to solve his problems he wouldn’t be lying here. He would’ve been happy.
With a sad smile on my face I wiped some dirt off the headstone that read my name,My birthday and the day I killed myself.
I paused there for sometime before I got back up and started jogging back home. A week was up, they would bring my framed photograph today. I wanted to be there when they hang it next to my mother’s.